20. Brothers from the same planet (season 4) Homer forgets to pick
up Bart from Soccer practice, even after Bart tries using his “shinning” ability. Eventually, Homer realizes his mistake and
picks up the boy, but the damage has been done. Realizing having his farther
around is just as bad if not worse than having a dead dad or dead-beat dad he joins
the bigger brothers program, where his big brother is an awesome 20 something
named Tom. After finding out about what Bart did, Homer decides to become a
bigger brother himself. Homer gets a young kid named Pepe and he teaches Pepe
everything he knows. In the B story Lisa has a problem, she can’t stop calling
the Corey hotline, which chargers 4.95 a minute to listen to Corey talk about
things that rhyme with Corey. Eventually Homer and Tom duke it out while at a
seaworld like amusement park. Homer gets his butt whopped, but Bart realizes who
he should be with and gets Homer to teach him some of his scaredy cat tactics.
Tom and Pepe become a big brothers/little brother team. Oh, and Lisa beats her Corey hotline addiction.
Marge: Homer, do you have an explanation for this bill?
Homer: Oh, it's that record club. The first nine were only a penny.
Then they jacked up the price!
[breaks down crying] It's not fair! It's not fair, I tells ya!
Administrator: And what are your reasons for wanting a Little Brother?
Homer's brain: Don't say revenge! Don't say revenge!
Homer's mouth: Uh, revenge?
Homer's brain: That's it, I'm gettin' outta here. [footsteps, and a door slam]
Kent Brockman (reporting the news):This just in. A fistfight is in progress in downtown Springfield.
Early reports indicate, and this is very preliminary, that one of the
fighters is a giant lizard. [inset of Godzilla] [to off-camera aide]
Do we have a source on this? ... Uh huh. A bunch of drunken frat
boys. ... All right, I could use some names. I. P. Freeley.
Bart: Dad, remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you
screamed ``I'm a hemophiliac'' and when he let you go,
you kicked him in the back?
Homer: Heh heh heh. Yeah.
Bart: Could you teach me how to do that?
19. Lisa the Iconoclast (Season 7) America’s favorite city
celebrates it’s bicentennial, and to honor it, Lisa Simpson sets out to tell the story of it leader Jebediah Springfield. Homer gets a job as a town choir (he’s a big, fat, loudmouth…and he
can walk when he wants to). While researching the towns minor patriot
leader, Lisa is devastated to learn that Jebediah Springfield was nothing more
than a murderous silver tongued pirate named Hans Sprungfeld, and worse he once
robbed and tried to kill major patriot George Washington. Once learning all the
facts, Lisa goes on a crusade against the tyrant, much to the chagrin of the
townspeople (minus Homer, who believes her, since she’s always right about
these kind of things and this time he wants in on the ground floor) Sadly,
Homer’s belief in his smartest child leads to him being stripped of town choir.
Eventually, Lisa makes a pro- Jebediah speech, deciding the myth of Springfield
is much better for the town than the truth. It's perfectly cramulent logic, after all.
Film Narrator of Young Jebediah Springfield: 1796, a fiercly determined band of pioneers leaves Maryland after misinturpting a passage in the bible. Their destination, New Sodom
Jebediah Springfield: A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.
Homer: Hear ye, hear ye. My daughter has something to say about
Jebediah Springfield.
Moe: Aw, look. That cutie wants to say something cute.
[barflies murmur]
Shut up, you bums, shut up!
Go ahead, angel.
Lisa: Ahem. Jebediah Springfield was nothing more than a murderous
pirate who hated this town!
[barflies and Moe's jaws drop]
Moe: Good God! Homer, I support, you know, any prejudice you can
name, but this hero-phobia sickens me. All right, you and your
daughter ain't welcome here no more. Barney, show them the
exit.
Barney: There's an exit?!
Quimby: You are tampering with forces you cannot understand. We have
major corporations sponsoring this event.
Lisa: I hope you know you're sponsoring a celebration of a murderous
pirate.
Corporate sponsor: A pirate? Well, that's hardly the image we want for Long John
Silver's!
18. Lisa’s Wedding (Season 6)- While at a renaissance fair, Lisa
chases an escaped esquilax into a fortune tellers tent. The fortune teller
offers to tell Lisa all about her first love, and we as fans are given a chance
to see the adult Simpson children (spoiler alert: Maggie won’t stop talking, but
she has a beautiful singing voice). It’s the year 2010 (yeah, I read it too :( ) and
Lisa, while at an Eastern University meets a British lad named Hugh Parkfield,
at first they hate each other, but soon fall in love (though the librarian can’t
understand how that happened, but that’s probably cause she’s a robot). Lisa
goes out to England with Hugh and meets his family, they get engaged, then he
must meet hers (that’s where the fun begins.) Bart and Homer welcome Hugh to
America by stomping out the fire that had engulfed the English flag. All of Springfield favorite secondary players are getting swept up in the up-coming nuptials of Springfield Elementary's only graduate to read at an adult level. Sadly,
Hugh doesn’t take to Homer and Bart, and is excited to get married so he and Lisa can move
back to England, where they’ll never have to see the rest of her family again. The wedding
falls apart because Hugh won’t wear the piggy cufflinks that Homer gave him.
When we flash back to 1995, Lisa is devastated that her first love wasn’t her
true love, but that’s not what the fortune teller specializes in (wahahahaha)
Fortune Teller: I've been waiting for you, Lisa.
Lisa: [gasps] How did you know my name?
Fortune Teller: Your nametag. ] Would you like to know your
future?
Lisa: Heh, sorry, I don't believe in fortune telling. I should go.
Fortune Teller: What's your hurry? Bart and Maggie and Marge are at the joust,
and Homer is heckling the puppet show.
Lisa: [gasps] Wow, you _can_ see into the...present.
in the future
Homer: Oh, I gotta call everyone and tell them the good news.
[picks up phone: "In use"]
What the -- oh. Maggie! I need to use the phone!
[upstairs, Maggie glowers]
Will that girl ever shut up? OK, Marge, I'll plan everything: we
can have the reception at Moe's. Wait! Why not have the whole
wedding there? We'll do it on a Monday morning. There'll be
fewer drunks.
Marge: Homer, don't take this personally, but I've obtained a court
order to prevent you from planning this wedding.
Homer: [reads documents] Well, these seem to be in order. I'll be out
back in the hammock.
Marge: You know, Fox turned into a hardcore sex channel so gradually, I
didn't even notice. Yeesh!
Back in the year 1995, Lisa see’s Homer for the first time since having her fortune told
Homer: Lisa, Lisa! Where were you? You missed the most incredible
thing.
Lisa: [grateful] Hi, Dad! [hugs him]
Homer: I ate seven pounds of fudge!
Lisa: Wow!
Homer: The man at the stand said it was a record.
Lisa: Wow! What else did you do, Dad?
Homer: I rode the teacups, then I got a little sick and I had to sit
down. But then, I rode them again...
17. Kamp Krusty (Season 4)- After a grueling year of Springfield
Elementary Bart and Lisa are rewarded with a trip to Kamp Krusty, once they get there they are horrified to find out that the camp isn't all it's cracked up to be. Camp cousolers include: Dolph, Jimbo and Karney,
their diet consist of gruel and most of their activities are usually relegated to
Chinese sweatshops. Eventually, Bart, with help of the other campers takes over the
camp from their hostages. Finally,
Krusty makes his way to the camp and is horrified to find out what has happened
to the campers (one of them had their hat eaten by a bear)(it was a nice
hat too.) Krusty makes it up to them by taking them on a trip to Tijuana.
Mrs. Krabapple: Have a D-lightful summer
Bart: So I won't get to
go to camp?
Homer:
[sternly] Now Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get
good grades. And you didn't.[brightly]
But why should you pay for my mistake?
Bart: You mean I can go?
Homer:
Yeah. I didn't want you hangin' around
all summer anyway.
Lisa’s
letter home: Dear Mom and
Dad. I no longer fear Hell because I've
been to Kamp Krusty.
Our nature hikes have become
grim death marches. Our arts and
crafts centre is, in actuality,
a Dickensian work house. In the cabin, Bart makes it through the days on the
belief that
Krusty will come.
I leave you with this one
thought
Save us! Save us NOW!
Bart: How could you Krusty? [smugly] I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
Krusty: (crying) They drove a dump-truck full of money up to my house…I am not made of stone.
Bart: Krusty! This camp was a nightmare! They fed us gruel, they forced
us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by
a bear!
Krusty: [horrified] Oh My God!!
Bart: Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: Was it a nice hat?
Bart: Oh yeah.
Krusty: [horrified] Oh My God!!
(Quinn note: I’ve always imagined if you went up to Paul Rudd and asked him how he could make the movie Dinner For Schmucks, he would have the same response as Krusty)
16. Stark Raving Dad (Season 3) After wearing a pink shirt to work,
Homer is given a take home insanity test, which he makes Bart take for him.
Naturally, Bart fails the test and Homer is taken to the Springfield psych ward, when he meets a fat white man that thinks he’s Michael Jackson (MJ even
voiced the character…though for legal reasons…he “ didn't”) When Homer is
allowed to leave, he calls the family and tells him that Michael is coming home
with him, but that they can’t tell a soul. Bart calls Milhouse and very soon
the whole town of Springfield comes to the Simpson house to meet the prince of
pop, the entire town is disappointed to see that the man they thought was Michael
Jackson, is, instead, a fat old man. In the Simpsons household, everyone seems to have
forgotten about Lisa’s 8th birthday, especially Bart, who she
reminded a couple of days earlier that it was coming up. The guest who thinks he’s Michael Jackson has
an idea, and together the two of them create the best birthday song ever that
can be sung to anyone named Lisa. In the end Michael reveals himself to be Leon
Kompowski, a normal guy who learned people liked it a lot more when he talk
and sang like Michael Jackson.
Lisa: Bart, my birthday's in two days. I'm going to be eight years old.
It's a big number, almost double digits.
Bart: Well, enjoy it while you can. Everything changes when you hit the
big one-oh. Your legs start to go, candy doesn't taste as good
any more...
Lisa: Bart, will you please let me pour my little heart out?
Bart: Sorry, this old-timer does ramble on sometimes, don't he.
Burns: Why is that man in pink!
Smithers: Oh, that's Homer Simpson, sir.
He's one of your boobs from Sector 7-G.
Burns: Simpson, eh? Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.
Smithers: I'll call security, sir.
Burns: Excellent. Yes, these color monitors have already
paid for themselves...
Bart and Leon Kompowski: Lisa It’s your birthday…happy birthday Lisa
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