Friday, June 8, 2012

"I love this song, it reminds me of elephants" 15-11


Before we get down to business, I am sure many of you have noticed that I am copying and pasting the quotes (the synaposis are my brains own handy work) anyway, I guess I should give credit where credit is due and plug the website I am getting it off of http://www.snpp.com/episodeguide.html Hope everyone is enjoying reading these, and please feel free to tell me what you think, even if it's that my list sucks and I should go to hell. 

15. Lisa on Ice (season 6)- Over the years Bart and Lisa have been best friends and arch rivals, few episodes showcase the later quite like this one.The episodes starts off innocently enough with a meeting about academic alerts in the Butt-head memorial auditorium: Ralph learns he’s doing poorly in English (quote will be found at end of synopsis). Lisa, finds out she is failing gym, and the only way for her to pass the grade (and not end up castoff in Monster Island (which is actually a peninsula) ) is to join a sports team outside of school. While at one of Bart’s hockey games, rival coach Apu (leaving his Kwik-E Mart post) learns that Lisa is a quite competent goalie, and gets her to join the team. Pretty soon Lisa is a star goalie with the eye of the tiger and the mouth of a teamster.  Eventually the rivalry becomes to much for Bart and Lisa and they start to bring the fight home with them. Finally, the two have a game against each other, fighting for their parents love and affection. In the end, it comes down to a Bart Simpson penalty shot, which he refuses to take after Lisa give up the net to him and Lisa and Bart wind up skating off the ice together to an tie, much to the dismay of the fans, who naturally, wind up rioting and setting the pee-wee hockey stadium ablaze.

Bart: Ah, Action News.  The last place an impressionable kid can go for TV violence.

Skinner: All right, first academic alert: Wiggum, Ralph.
  Ralph: I won, I won!  [walks on stage]
Skinner: No no, Ralph, this means you're failing English.
  Ralph: Me fail English?  That's unpossible!
Skinner: Mundt, Nelson, you're failing History, Geography, and Math,
         but, er, you're doing quite well in Home Ec.
 Nelson: Hey, keep it down, man.  [uncomfortable] Ha ha.

Homer: OK son, just remember to have fun out there today.  And if you
       lose, I'll kill you!
 
Bart: Hello, queen Lisa.
 Lisa: Bart!  What are you doing in my room?
 Bart: Lisa, certain differences -- rivalries, if you will -- have come
       up between us.  At first I thought we could talk it over like
       civilized people.  But instead, I just ripped the head off Mr.
       Honeybunny.
        [holds up stuffed rabbit in one hand, head in the other]
 Lisa: Bart, that was _your_ cherished childhood toy.
 Bart: Aah!  Mr. Honeybunny!  [tries to repair it, kisses it]
 
Bart: OK, but on my way, I'm going to be doing this: [windmills arms]
       If you get hit, it's your own fault.
 Lisa: OK, then I'm going to start kicking air like this.  [kicks] And
       if any part of you should fill that air, [kicks] it's _your_ own
       fault.
        [they walk towards each other, then start fighting]
Marge: Oh, I better go check that out.  Now Homer, don't you eat this
       pie!
Homer: OK...[Marge leaves] All right, pie, I'm just going to do this.
       [chomps air] And if you get eaten, it's your own fault!
        [walks towards pie, chomping air, and hits head on range head]
       Ow!  Oh, my -- aw, to hell with this.  [grabs pie, eats it]
 
Snake: Those kids are, like, so sweet.  [sobs] If only they had had
       peewee hockey when I was a lad.  
 
 
14. Duffless (Season 4)- Homer ditches work early to go to the Duff brewery with Barney, while there the two sample all sorts of tasty styles of Duff. However, once they are about to leave, Chief Wiggum pulls them over and test their sobriety: Homer passes most of the test, until he is given the breathalyzer (at the request of Barney). The rest of the episode involves Homer staying sober (he even has to stay sober at a baseball game, which causes him to learn how boring the game really is). In the B storyline, Bart destroys Lisa’s science fair project by throwing the giant tomato she had grown (with help of steroids) at Principal Skinner's behind, needing a new project, she decides to see if Bart is dumber than hamster. Bart discovers her plan and winds up putting the hamster in a little airplane (complete with little goggles), and winds up taking first place in the science fair. Homer, having been sober for 30 days, goes to get loaded at Moe’s, but after seeing all the barflies and how unhappy they look, he decides to go back home and spend some time going on a bike ride Marge.

Lisa: [showing off a tomato the size of a beach ball] I've grown a
      futuristic tomato by fertilizing it with anabolic steroids.
Bart: The kind that help our Olympic athletes reach new peaks of
      excellence?
Lisa: The very same.
 
Homer: Well, time to go to work.
Homer's brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the  Duff Brewery tour.
Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan.
Homer's brain: Heh, heh, heh.  They don't suspect a thing.
[camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything]
                           Well, off to the plant.
Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery.
Homer's brain: Uh, oh.  Did I say that or just think it?
Homer: [panicky] I've got to think of a lie fast!
Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery?
Homer: Aah! [Runs off]
 
Another early Duff Beer commercial depicts the Kennedy-Nixon
Presidential debate of 1960.
 
Nixon: Well I would suggest, Mr. Vancouver, that if you knew the President that, that was just a facetious remark.
Announcer: And now a word from our sponsor.
Kennedy: I would like to take this opportunity to announce my fondness for, ah, Duff Beer.  [audience cheers]
Nixon: I'd also like to express, er, my fondness for that particular beer. {audience boos}
 
Homer: Well beer, we've had some great times...
                    [singing to "It was a Very Good Year"]
                    When I was 17,
                    I drank some very good beer.
                    I drank some very good beer
                    I purchased with a fake ID
                    My name was Brian McGee
                    I stayed up listening to Queen
                    When I was 17.
 
 
Homer tries to take his mind off his troubles at the ball park, where
he is the only person in the stands not drinking.
 
Announcer: ...the windup and a 2-2 pitch.  Oh, no, wait a minute, the batter is calling for time.  Looks like he's going to get himself a new bat.  And now there's a beach ball on the field, and the balls boys are discussing which one of them's going to go get it.
Homer: [only one not drinking] I never realized how boring this game is.
 
 
13. Homer at the Bat (season 3)- The Simpsons have done a lot of
sports based episodes….this is the best (I’d say by far…but, Lisa On Ice was
just two ranks ago, so that would be stupid). In a send-up of The Natural,
Homer makes a softball bat out of a fallen oak tree, and his company softball
team starts going on quite the winning streak. Once the team starts winning,
Mr. Burns, the company owner gets involved and decides to bring in a bunch of
ringers, Charles Montgomery Burns brings a bunch of MLBers to join the team: 2 ofthem are now in the Hall of Fame now ( 3B Wade Boggs, SS Ozzie Smith),  1 will be as soon as he’s eligible (OF Ken Griffey Jr.), 1 might make it as a coach (C Mike Soaccia), 2 have the numbers,but probably won’t make it on account of using steroids (P Roger  Clemmons, OF Jose Canseco) 1 could have one
of the best players of all-time but did way to much cocaine instead (OF Darryl
Strawberry), 1 was the best Yankee of all time to never play in a World Series
(1B Don Mattingly) and then there was 2B Steve Sax. With 1991 All-Star team
like that, there was no way Mr. Burns would lose, except that by the time the
big game happened, all of them had gotten hurt, sick, or fell into a
never-ending black-hole. All of them, that is, except for Homer’s replacement
Darryl Strawberry, who played a hell of a game, before being taken out in the
last inning with the bases loaded, because he is a leftie and the pitcher is a
righty. Homer knocks in the winning run, when the softball connects with head,
and he is carried off the field, a hero.

Bart:  [sees Homer's homemade bat]  Wow!  How many home runs you gonna
          hit with that?
Homer: Let's see.  We play thirty games.  Ten at-bats a game.  Mmm...
          Three thousand.

Umpire: Okay, let's go over the ground rules.You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
Chief Wiggum:  [in baseball uniform]  Hey, we know how to play softball.

Homer: Please please please, I want to make the team.  [catches Roger Clemens]Clemens, did I make the team?
Roger: You sure did!
Homer: I did!  Woo-hoo!  Woo-hoo!  In your face, Strawberry!
Roger: Wait a minute, are you Ken Griffey, Jr.?
Homer: No.
Roger: Sorry.Didn't mean to get your hopes up.

Jose Canseco:     I get $50,000 to play one game?
Smithers: That's right, Mr. Canseco.
Jose Canseco:     Well, it's a pay cut, but what the hey.  It sounds like fun.

Marge: What makes you think this Darryl Strawberry character is better
          than you?
Homer: Marge, forget it.  He's bigger than me, faster than me, stronger
          than me, and he already has more friends around the plant than I do.
Bart:  You make me sick, Homer.  You're the one who told me I could do
          anything if I just put my mind to it!
Homer: Well, now that you're a little bit older, I can tell you that's
          a crock!  No matter how good you are at something, there's always
          about a million people better than you.
Bart:  Gotcha.  Can't win, don't try.
 
12. Krusty gets Kanceled (season 4) Krusty the Klown has been Springfield's unquestioned king of the late afternoon comedy hour for a long time, until finally a little competition comes, in the form of a dummy named: Gabbo. Gabbo makes his debut to much fanfare and soon he is the darling of the late-afternoon comedy TV (he’s a bad little boy, after all.) He gets Itchy and Scratchy to join  his show. Krusty is shown the door and before long he is living a bums life. This is too much for Bart and Lisa to handle and they take it upon themselves to relaunch Krusty the Klown’s career with the help of some of his famous friends (Johnny Carson, Hugh Hefner, Bette Midler, and Red Hot Chilli Peppers (who Bart is able to steal away from a gig at Moe’s) They also get Krusty's much hated half bother, Luke Perry. Bart is able to help his cause by catching Gabbo calling all his fans “little S.O.B’s”. Krusty goes back to some old habits,  but with Bart, Lisa, and Homer’s training, Krusty is able to get back in performance  shape and into the hearts of all his fans.

Krusty: I've had plenty of guys come after me, and I've buried them all. Sea Captain.  Joey Bishop.
Assistant: Don't forget the Special Olympics.
Krusty: [wistfully] Oh, yeah...  I slaughtered the Special Olympics!
 
Mayor Quimby: I'll admit I used the city treasury to fund the murder of my enemies.But as Gabbo would say, ``I'm a bad widdle boy.''
 
Kent Brockman: Gabbo’s type of lanauge has no place on TV. {turns to his side} That ought to please those S.O.B’s 

(Bart walks into Moe’s Tarvern and sees the Red Hot Chilli Peppers)
Bart: Hey guys, do you want to be on the Krusty come back special?
Flea: Sure, if you can get us out of this dump
Bart: Sure thing. Hey Moe, look over there (points to a wall)
Moe: (looking at the wall) What? What am I looking at?
Homer walks in
Homer: Hey Moe, what are you looking at? Can I look too?
Moe: Sure thing, but it’ll cost you
Homer: My wallets in the car (Homer leaves)
Moe: Haha..what an idiot. Now back to staring at the wall

11. Barts gets an Elephant (season 5) After a day of Spring cleaning, Bart wins a radio prize from KBBL’s Bill and Marty. He gets to choose between 10,000 dollars or a really stupid prize, which today is a living African Elephant, Bart chooses the Elephant. Sadly for the DJ duo, the elephant does not actually exist. Bart protest his lack of an elephant prize, and after the radio station owners threaten to replace Bill and Marty with a machine (well hotdog, we have a wiener), they finally get him his elephant. Bart names his new friend Stampy, and loves him very much. Unfortunatly, an elephant gets mighty expensive to take care of, and while people are willing to pay 1.00 to see the elephant and 2.00 to ride the elephant, they aren’t willing to pay 100 to see the elephant, or 200 to ride the elephant. Homer realizes the only option left, they have to sell Stampy. Fortunately, an ivory dealer named Blackheart offers big bucks for him, and since he has a high supply of ivory, he is probably less likely to kill Stampy for his precious ivory, then someone whose ivory supplies are low. Bart and Stampy run away together, and the rest of The Simpson clan go after them, finding them at the Springfield tar pits. Homer, still hell bent on selling Stampy to Blackheart, is excited to see them, but, while making a speech , gets sucked into the tar pits. Stampy pulls him out to safety and Homer, having just had his life saved by the feisty feline, decides it’s would be best for Stampy to go to the Springfield Wildlife Center. This episode also marks the debut of Cleatus (the slack jawed Yolka) 

Marty: Let's try one more number.
Homer: Y'ello?
 Bart: [grabs phone] KBBL is going to give me something stupid!
Marty: Well, hot dog!  We have a weiner!  [car alarm noise]
Homer: [grasping air] Y'ello?
 Bart: I won, I won!
Marty: You win your choice of $10,000 or -- what's our gag prize this
       week, Bill?
 Bill: [raucous] A full-grown African Elephant!
 Bart: Well, all that money sounds mighty tempting, Marty, but I think
       I'm going to have to go with the elephant.
Homer: [to Marge, happily] He's taking the elephant instead of the
       money.
Marty: [whispering] The kid wants the elephant!
 Bill: We don't have an damn elephant.
Marty: Don't whisper into the mike!
 Bill: Ahem, kid, the elephant's a gag prize.  Nobody takes the gag
       prize.  [nervous laughter] You want the cash.
 Bart: [indignant] I want the elephant!
Homer: Heh, heh, stick it to the man!

Homer: Bart!  With $10,000, we'd be millionaires!  We could buy all
       kinds of useful things like...love!
Marge: Or double-ply windows.  They look just like regular windows but
       they'll save us 4% on our heating bill.
        [long pause]
       Well they will.
 Lisa: You all seem to be forgetting the most important thing...which is
       that it's wrong to imprison an animal!
        [long pause]
Homer: Lisa, go to you room.
 
Boss: Look, our ratings are down, and the station is being swamped
         with angry calls and letter-bombs.
          [A few letter-bombs explode in a pile]
         And it's all your fault!
Bill: Yes it is, ma'am.
Boss: This is the DJ 3000.  It plays CDs automatically, and it has
         three distinct varieties of inane chatter.
          [presses a button]
DJ 3000: [stilted] Hey, hey.  How about that weather out there?
         Woah!  _That_ was the caller from hell.
         Well, hot dog!  We have a weiner.
Bill: Man, that thing's great!
Marty: _Don't_ praise the machine!
Boss: If you don't get that kid an elephant by tomorrow, the DJ 3000
         gets your job.
          [Marty punches it]
DJ 3000: Those clowns in congress did it again.  What a bunch of clowns.
 Bill: [laughs] How does it keep up with the news like that?
 
Homer: What's he yelling about?
 Lisa: He's hungry.  Here you go Stampy: [holds a platter] eat it slow.
       It has to last for --
        [Stampy grabs it all at once]
       You ate it too fast.
Homer: Maybe if we tied it down so it couldn't move it wouldn't get so
       hungry.
 Lisa: You can't do that, Dad, it's cruel!
Homer: Oh, everything's cruel according to you.  Keeping him chained up
       in the back yard is cruel.  Pulling on his tail is cruel.
       Yelling in his ears is cruel.  Everything is cruel.  Well, excuse
       me if I'm cruel!
 
Warden: Our wildlife refuge is the ideal environment for your elephant:
        thousands of acres of simulated African savannah.
  Lisa: It's perfect, Dad.
 Homer: I only have two questions: "How much", and "Give it to me".
Warden: Well, we really can't offer you any money, we're a non-profit
        organization.
 Homer: So your bid is zero.
Warden: Well, we like to think of it as --
 Homer: Thank you.
Warden: You know I really think --
 Homer: Thank you.
 
Homer: Son!  You're OK.  [hypnotic] And you led us to the precious
       ivory...[affable] and, of course, your lovable pet, who it's
       connected to.
 Bart: Dad, I can't let you sell him.  Stampy and I are friends.
        [Stampy beats him with his trunk] Ow!  Anyway, I want him to go
       to that animal refuge.
Homer: Forget it!  That elephant cost me thousands of dollars.
 Lisa: Dad, how would _you_ like to be sold to an ivory dealer?
Homer: I'd like it fine.
 Bart: Even if he killed you and made your teeth into piano keys?
Homer: Yes, of course I would!  Who wouldn't like that -- to be part of
       the music scene?
 
Homer: I'm alive.  I'm alive!  And I owe it all to this feisty feline.
 Lisa: Dad, "feline" means "cat".
Homer: Elephant, honey.  It's an elephant!...{whisltfully} and I am sure he’ll make a grand piano

Bart and Lisa: Dad!
Homer: I guess it wouldn't be right to sell Stampy after he saved my
       life.  And the boy seems to have some sort of relationship with
       him.
 Bart: Thanks, Dad.
Homer: On the other hand, who's to say what's right these days, what
       with all our modern ideas...and products?
        [Bart and Lisa look angrily at him]
       All right, we'll give the stupid elephant to the stupid animal
       refuge.
 Kids: Yay!  [hug Homer, who is still covered in tar]
 Bart: Uh, Mom?  We're stuck to Dad.
Marge: Mmm, this is just what happened at the caramel factory.
        [pulls them off]
 Lisa: Ow, my hair!
Homer: Mmm, caramel.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

"A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man." My favorite SImpson episodes 20-16


20. Brothers from the same planet (season 4) Homer forgets to pick up Bart from Soccer practice, even after Bart  tries  using his “shinning” ability. Eventually, Homer realizes his mistake and picks up the boy, but the damage has been done. Realizing having his farther around is just as bad if not worse than having a dead dad or dead-beat dad he joins the bigger brothers program, where his big brother is an awesome 20 something named Tom. After finding out about what Bart did, Homer decides to become a bigger brother himself. Homer gets a young kid named Pepe and he teaches Pepe everything he knows. In the B story Lisa has a problem, she can’t stop calling the Corey hotline, which chargers 4.95 a minute to listen to Corey talk about things that rhyme with Corey. Eventually Homer and Tom duke it out while at a seaworld like amusement park. Homer gets his butt whopped, but Bart realizes who he should be with and gets Homer to teach him some of his scaredy cat tactics. Tom and Pepe become a big brothers/little brother team. Oh, and Lisa beats her Corey hotline addiction.

Marge: Homer, do you have an explanation for this bill?
Homer: Oh, it's that record club.  The first nine were only a penny.
       Then they jacked up the price!
       [breaks down crying] It's not fair!  It's not fair, I tells ya!
 
  Administrator: And what are your reasons for wanting a Little Brother?
   Homer's brain: Don't say revenge!  Don't say revenge!
   Homer's mouth: Uh, revenge?
   Homer's brain: That's it, I'm gettin' outta here.  [footsteps, and a door slam]
 
Kent Brockman (reporting the news):This just in.  A fistfight is in progress in downtown Springfield.
   Early reports indicate, and this is very preliminary, that one of the
   fighters is a giant lizard.  [inset of Godzilla] [to off-camera aide]
   Do we have a source on this? ...  Uh huh.  A bunch of drunken frat
   boys. ...  All right, I could use some names.  I. P.  Freeley.
 
Bart: Dad, remember when Tom had you in that headlock and you
     screamed ``I'm a hemophiliac'' and when he let you go,
     you kicked him in the back?
Homer: Heh heh heh.  Yeah.
Bart:  Could you teach me how to do that?
 

19. Lisa the Iconoclast (Season 7) America’s favorite city celebrates it’s bicentennial, and to honor it, Lisa Simpson sets out to tell the story of it leader Jebediah Springfield. Homer gets a job as a town choir (he’s a big, fat, loudmouth…and he can walk when he wants to). While researching the towns minor patriot leader, Lisa is devastated to learn that Jebediah Springfield was nothing more than a murderous silver tongued pirate named Hans Sprungfeld, and worse he once robbed and tried to kill major patriot George Washington. Once learning all the facts, Lisa goes on a crusade against the tyrant, much to the chagrin of the townspeople (minus Homer, who believes her, since she’s always right about these kind of things and this time he wants in on the ground floor) Sadly, Homer’s belief in his smartest child leads to him being stripped of town choir. Eventually, Lisa makes a pro- Jebediah speech, deciding the myth of Springfield is much better for the town than the truth. It's perfectly cramulent logic, after all.

Film Narrator of Young Jebediah Springfield: 1796, a fiercly determined band of pioneers leaves Maryland after misinturpting a passage in the bible. Their destination, New Sodom  
 
Jebediah Springfield: A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man.

Homer: Hear ye, hear ye.  My daughter has something to say about
                    Jebediah Springfield.
Moe: Aw, look.  That cutie wants to say something cute.
                     [barflies murmur]
                    Shut up, you bums, shut up! 
                    Go ahead, angel.
Lisa: Ahem.  Jebediah Springfield was nothing more than a murderous
                    pirate who hated this town!
                     [barflies and Moe's jaws drop]
Moe: Good God!  Homer, I support, you know, any prejudice you can
                    name, but this hero-phobia sickens me.  All right, you and your
                    daughter ain't welcome here no more.  Barney, show them the
                    exit.
Barney: There's an exit?!
 
Quimby: You are tampering with forces you cannot understand.  We have
                    major corporations sponsoring this event.
  Lisa: I hope you know you're sponsoring a celebration of a murderous
                    pirate.
   Corporate sponsor: A pirate?  Well, that's hardly the image we want for Long John
                    Silver's!
 

18. Lisa’s Wedding (Season 6)- While at a renaissance fair, Lisa chases an escaped esquilax into a fortune tellers tent. The fortune teller offers to tell Lisa all about her first love, and we as fans are given a chance to see the adult Simpson children (spoiler alert: Maggie won’t stop talking, but she has a beautiful singing voice). It’s the year 2010 (yeah, I read it too :( ) and Lisa, while at an Eastern University meets a British lad named Hugh Parkfield, at first they hate each other, but soon fall in love (though the librarian can’t understand how that happened, but that’s probably cause she’s a robot). Lisa goes out to England with Hugh and meets his family, they get engaged, then he must meet hers (that’s where the fun begins.) Bart and Homer welcome Hugh to America by stomping out the fire that had engulfed the English flag. All of Springfield favorite secondary players are getting swept up in the up-coming nuptials of Springfield Elementary's only graduate to read at an adult level. Sadly, Hugh doesn’t take to Homer and Bart, and is excited to get married so he and Lisa can move back to England, where they’ll never have to see the rest of her family again. The wedding falls apart because Hugh won’t wear the piggy cufflinks that Homer gave him. When we flash back to 1995, Lisa is devastated that her first love wasn’t her true love, but that’s not what the fortune teller specializes in (wahahahaha)

Fortune Teller: I've been waiting for you, Lisa.
 Lisa: [gasps] How did you know my name?
Fortune Teller: Your nametag.  ] Would you like to know your
       future?
 Lisa: Heh, sorry, I don't believe in fortune telling.  I should go.
Fortune Teller: What's your hurry?  Bart and Maggie and Marge are at the joust,
       and Homer is heckling the puppet show.
 Lisa: [gasps] Wow, you _can_ see into the...present.

in the future
Homer: Oh, I gotta call everyone and tell them the good news.
        [picks up phone: "In use"]
       What the -- oh.  Maggie!  I need to use the phone!
        [upstairs, Maggie glowers]
       Will that girl ever shut up?  OK, Marge, I'll plan everything: we
       can have the reception at Moe's.  Wait!  Why not have the whole
       wedding there?  We'll do it on a Monday morning.  There'll be
       fewer drunks.
Marge: Homer, don't take this personally, but I've obtained a court
       order to prevent you from planning this wedding.
Homer: [reads documents] Well, these seem to be in order.  I'll be out
       back in the hammock.
 
Marge: You know, Fox turned into a hardcore sex channel so gradually, I
       didn't even notice.  Yeesh!
 
Back in the year 1995, Lisa see’s Homer for the first time since having her fortune told 
Homer: Lisa, Lisa!  Where were you?  You missed the most incredible
       thing.
 Lisa: [grateful] Hi, Dad!  [hugs him]
Homer: I ate seven pounds of fudge!
 Lisa: Wow!
Homer: The man at the stand said it was a record.
 Lisa: Wow!  What else did you do, Dad?
Homer: I rode the teacups, then I got a little sick and I had to sit
       down.  But then, I rode them again...
 

    
17. Kamp Krusty (Season 4)- After a grueling year of Springfield Elementary Bart and Lisa are rewarded with a trip to Kamp Krusty,  once they get there they  are horrified to find out that the camp isn't all it's cracked up to be. Camp cousolers include: Dolph, Jimbo and Karney, their diet consist of gruel and most of their activities are usually relegated to Chinese sweatshops. Eventually, Bart, with help of the other campers  takes over the camp from their hostages.  Finally, Krusty makes his way to the camp and is horrified to find out what has happened to the campers (one of them had their hat eaten by a bear)(it was a nice hat too.) Krusty makes it up to them by taking them on a trip to Tijuana.

Mrs. Krabapple: Have a D-lightful summer

Bart:  So I won't get to go to camp?
Homer: [sternly] Now Bart, we made this deal because I thought it would help you get good grades.  And you didn't.[brightly] But why should you pay for my mistake?
Bart:  You mean I can go?
Homer: Yeah.  I didn't want you hangin' around all summer anyway.

Lisa’s letter home: Dear Mom and Dad.  I no longer fear Hell because I've been to Kamp Krusty.
Our nature hikes have become grim death marches.  Our arts and
crafts centre is, in actuality, a Dickensian work house. In the cabin, Bart makes it through the days on the belief that
Krusty will come.
I leave you with this one thought
Save us!  Save us NOW!

Bart: How could you Krusty?  [smugly] I'd never lend my name to an inferior product.
Krusty: (crying) They drove a dump-truck full of money up to my house…I am not made of stone.
Bart: Krusty!  This camp was a nightmare!  They fed us gruel, they forced
us to make wallets for export, and one of the campers was eaten by
a bear!
Krusty: [horrified] Oh My God!!
Bart:   Well, actually, the bear just ate his hat.
Krusty: Was it a nice hat?
Bart:   Oh yeah.
Krusty: [horrified] Oh My God!!
 
(Quinn note: I’ve always imagined if you went up to Paul Rudd and asked him how he could make the movie Dinner For Schmucks, he would have the same response as Krusty)




16. Stark Raving Dad (Season 3) After wearing a pink shirt to work, Homer is given a take home insanity test, which he makes Bart take for him. Naturally, Bart fails the test and Homer is taken to the Springfield psych ward, when he meets a fat white man that thinks he’s Michael Jackson (MJ even voiced the character…though for legal reasons…he “ didn't”) When Homer is allowed to leave, he calls the family and tells him that Michael is coming home with him, but that they can’t tell a soul. Bart calls Milhouse and very soon the whole town of Springfield comes to the Simpson house to meet the prince of pop, the entire town is disappointed to see that the man they thought was Michael Jackson, is, instead, a fat old man. In the Simpsons household, everyone seems to have forgotten about Lisa’s 8th birthday, especially Bart, who she reminded a couple of days earlier that it was coming up.  The guest who thinks he’s Michael Jackson has an idea, and together the two of them create the best birthday song ever that can be sung to anyone named Lisa. In the end Michael reveals himself to be Leon Kompowski, a normal guy who learned people liked it a lot more when he talk and sang like Michael Jackson.

Lisa: Bart, my birthday's in two days.  I'm going to be eight years old.
         It's a big number, almost double digits.
Bart: Well, enjoy it while you can.  Everything changes when you hit the
         big one-oh.  Your legs start to go, candy doesn't taste as good
         any more...
Lisa: Bart, will you please let me pour my little heart out?
Bart: Sorry, this old-timer does ramble on sometimes, don't he.
 
 
Burns:    Why is that man in pink!
  Smithers: Oh, that's Homer Simpson, sir.
             He's one of your boobs from Sector 7-G.
  Burns:    Simpson, eh? Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.
  Smithers: I'll call security, sir.
  Burns:    Excellent.  Yes, these color monitors have already
             paid for themselves...
 
Bart and Leon Kompowski: Lisa It’s your birthday…happy birthday Lisa

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Top 25 Simpsons episodes of all time...25-21


As far as I am concerned, there are two types of people in the world: People who love The Simpsons (or at least earlier episodes of the show) and people who I never, ever want to have a conversation with. The minute I hear someone never liked the show, the part of my brain that cares about what people say and think shuts off and I just nod my head at whatever they say, until I no longer have to hear them talk. The Simpsons is both slapstick and the smartest comedy ever made, for every joke I laughed at when I was in 5th grade, there are 3 or 4 that I laugh at now, because I actually get the reference. Sadly, The Simpsons has become the 2Pac of the television world, putting out new episodes long after it’s been dead.  The good news is that the show has put out well over 150 episodes that probably rate a 6.5 or higher and at least 60 that rate an 8 or higher. At its peak (seasons 4-6) there wasn’t an episode that I would rate below a 7. The shows in that time frame were so great that people thought by season 7 the show sucked, the problem wasn’t that the show sucked (6 of my top 25 came out during that period…only 3 came before season 4.) It’s that not every episode was a grand slam, if you go back and watch seasons 7-11 now, you can see that there is still plenty of great TV being made. Anyway, I could write a 200 page essay about how great the Simpsons is, but I know what you came here for…hardcore nudity…I mean, my list of favorite Simpsons episodes…please, do enjoy.
  
Top 25 Simpsons episodes
25. El Viaje Misteriouso De Nuestro Jomer (the voyage of Homer) (season 8)- After eating several of the Hottest peppers in the world at Springfield’s annual chili cook off. Homer goes on a hallucination based journey through Springfield’s golf course. At the end of his spiritual journey he meets his spiritual guide (a space coyote; voiced by Johnny Cash, naturally). Among other things the space coyote tells Homer he needs to find his soul mate. At first Homer thinks this is a stupid quest as his soul mate is obviously Marge, but at the space coyote’s insistence, Homer question the obviousness of his answer and goes on a quest to find his real soul mate, by the end of the episode Homer realizes that his soul mate is indeed Marge. Homer also causes a boat of hotpants to hit a rocky cliff unleashing waves of free “short shorts” upon the shores of Springfield.


Homer: Well of course, everything looks bad if you remember it.  Now
       where are my chili boots?


Homer: In your face space coyote

Bart: Lis, check it out.  Time for chili.
Lisa: [bored] I saw it, Bart.
Bart: You're just mad 'cause there's no clock in your hat.
Lisa: What hat?
Bart: Pff.  Ah, this baby's wasted on an idiot like you. 

  
24. Bart’s Inner Child (Season 5)- The Simpson kids and Homer tell Marge she’s a nagger (which is also an answer to an end of the wheel a fortune game), this leads to Marge discovering the self help tapes of Brad Goodman (voiced by the always talented Phil Hartman (But more on him later.)) The tapes help Marge and she then gets Homer involved and the tapes help them. One day Marge see’s that Brad Goodman is coming to town and takes the family to see him. After Bart makes a crack in the middle of his sermon, Brad pulls him up on stage where he declares Bart’s antics and the fact that he “does what he wants” make him a fully realized individual and insist the rest of the town should “be like the boy.” Springfield even decides to replace their annual “do as we say” festival, which was started by German settlers in 1944 with a “do what you feel like” festival. Eventually everyone doing what they feel like leads to many town necessities going undone. And when this happens the towns people know exactly who to blame…Bart, chasing him down the street until they decide to go to the Old Mill to get some Cider.

Homer: Oh my God!
 Lisa: What is it?
Homer: Tramapoline!  Trampopoline!  
 Bart: He said what now?
Marge: Please, don't bring home any more old crutches!
 
 
Homer: Well, here we are at the Brad Goodman lecture.
 Lisa: We know, Dad.
Homer: I just thought I'd remind everybody.  After all, we did agree to
       attend this self-help seminar.
 Bart: What an odd thing to say...
 
 
Burns: I feel like such a free spirit, and I'm really enjoying this
          so-called..._iced_ cream.
 



23. The Springfield files (season  8): After a night of Boris Yeltzen level drinking the Sweedish import D*u*ff and Red Tick Beer (the secret ingredient is swimming dogs), Homer, too drunk to drive, walks home. He gets lost and winds up in the middle of nowhere, where he discovers something horrible…his farther who got lost in the woods…then a few minutes later, he discovers an alien. His story to the police gets little notice; however it does make its way to the desk of special agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, who come to Springfield and try to figure out what he actually saw. Eventually, Homer gets a close encounter of the blurred kind, while camping out with Ned Flanders camera.  All the people of  Springfield believe Homer, leading to the townspeople hanging out in the woods on a Friday night where they buy out all the “Homer is a dope” t-shirts. Finally, to the delight of the towns folk and Leonard Neymoy (making a second return to Springfield), the alien makes an appearance. Sadly, Lisa points out that the alien is not actually from out of this world, but a drugged up Mr. Burns (obviously, using drugs to keep himself alive for another week).


Mr. Burns: So, another Friday is upon us.  What will you be doing,
           Smithers?  Something gay, no doubt!
 Smithers: Wha...?  What?!
Mr. Burns: You know.  Light-hearted, fancy-free.  "Mothers, lock up your
           daughters!  Smithers is on the town!"  [chuckles a bit]
 Smithers: Exactly, sir!  [laughs nervously]
 
 
Lisa: All right!  It's time for ABC's "TGIF" lineup!
Bart: Lis, when you get a little older, you'll learn that Friday is just
      another day between NBC's "Must See Thursday" and CBS' " Saturday
      night craporama."
 
 
Lisa: Dad, according to "Junior Skeptic Magazine," the chances are 175
       million to one of another form of life actually coming in contact
       with ours.
Homer: So?
 Lisa: It's just that the people who claim they've seen aliens are
       always pathetic low-lifes with boring jobs.  Oh, and you, Dad.
       [nervous laugh]


22. Icthy and Scatchy land (Season 6): Itchy and Scratchy land Is violentest place on earth, where nothing can possibl-I go wrong. Bart and Lisa convince Homer and Marge to go there for the family vacation (over the highway 9 bird sanctuary). Once they get there, Homer and Marge put Maggie in the ball-pit, while they hang out in parents island, where every 20 minutes is new years and one of the bartenders even looks like John Travolta. Unfortunately, like all other Simpson family vacation this one ends horribly: in this case, the robot itchy and scratchy wires get crossed and they wind up trying to kill all the humans. Lisa discovers that the flash of a camera cause the robots chips to fry and thus saves the day.  Sadly, all the Bort license plates were still sold out L
Krusty: Kids, you heard the cartoon rat.  If you haven't already run
          to your parents begging to go, do it now.  You won't be
          missing anything funny: I'll just be sitting here reading this
          grownup's newspaper.
 
Marge: Hmm...
Guard: [laughs] There's no need to murmur, ma'am.  Here at Itchy and
       Scratchy Land we're just as concerned about violence as you are.
       That's why we're always careful to show the consequences of
       deadly mayhem so that we may educate as well as horrify.
Marge: When do you show the consequences?  On TV that mouse pulled out
       that cat's lungs and played them like a bagpipe, but in the next
       scene the cat was breathing comfortably.
Guard: Just like in real life.
        [
 
Bart: Look at all this great stuff, Lis!
         [finds vanity license plate rack]
        Cool...personalized plates!  "Barclay"..."Barry"..."Bert"...
        "Bort"?  Aw, come on.  "Bort"?
Child: Mommy, mommy!  Buy me a license plate.
Mother: No.  Come along, Bort.
   Man: Are you talking to me?
Mother: No, my son is also named Bort.
(Quinn note: A pain I know all too well, Bart)

Film Narrator; Roger Meyers senior, the gentle genius behind Itchy and Scratchy, loved
and cared about almost all the peoples of the world.  And he, in turn,
was beloved by the world, except in 1938 when he was criticized for his
controversial cartoon, "Nazi Supermen Are Our Superiors".
 
Homer: Back you robots. No one ruins my family’s vacation but me {pauses} and possibly the boy.

Homer: Die bad robots, die!!


21. Homerpalooza (season 7): The first episode that really showcased how much The Simpsons rock. In an effort to be thought of as cool by Bart and Lisa, Homer gets the kids tickets to the hottest rock concert of the summer, hullaballoza, which includes: Smashing Pumpkins, Sonic Youth, Cypress Hill, and Peter Frampton. While at the show, Homer does something Narcish and winds up taking a blow-up balloon pig (which Frampton got at their yard sale) to the gut. This leads to Homer learning that he has a special talent for taking large objects to the stomach, Homer goes on the hullaballoza tour, taking cannonballs to the gut with the rest of the pageant of the transmundane (the freak show.) Sadly he learns his stomach isn’t as indestructible as he thought and if he takes one more cannonball he could die, naturally the next stop in the tour is in Springfield, where the hometown crowd comes out to see their most favorite son. Homer lines up to take the cannonball, but at the last seconds ducks out of the way, much to the disillusionment of Sonic Youth. 
 
 Homer: Now, here are some of your no-name bands. Sonic Youth? Nine Inch
       Nails? Hullabalooza?
Clerk: Hullabalooza is a music festival; the greatest music festival of
       all time.
Homer: There can only be one truly great festival a lifetime and it's
       the "Us Festival".
Clerk: The what festival?
Homer: The "Us Festival"! Geez! It was sponsored by the guy from Apple
       Computers.
Clerk: What computers?
 
Billy Corgan: Hey cannonball, I like your statement: when life takes a cheap
                    shot at you, you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing
                    Pumpkins.
 Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely.
 
Promoter: Who is playing with the London Symphony Orchestra? Come on people,
somebody ordered the London Symphony Orchestra... posssibly while high... Cyprus Hill, I am looking in your general direction. 
 
Burns: [chuckles] And to think, Smithers: you laughed when I bought
                      TicketMaster. "Nobody's going to pay a 100% service charge."
Smithers: Well, it's a policy that ensures a healthy mix of the rich
                      and the ignorant, sir.
 
  Kim Gordon (Sonic Youth bassist): Hullabalooza isn't about freaks; it's about music, and advertisement,and youth-oriented product positioning.